Promise Versus Reality

Some election humour:


While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.

'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the lift open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and rubbish.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of rubbish and my friends look miserable.

What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning.. ...

Today you voted.

--

For a look quick look at how far Gordon's metaphorical golf course is from the pretty real rubbish tip he is leaving behind, might I recommend this excellent guide from Anna Raccoon.

I Have Been Waiting Months...

... To find a way to drop this picture subtly into a blogpost, and have not yeat been able to.  Oh well...

From The Textbook

Click for a clearer image

It's Saturday Eve...

... And it is almost time to party!

Caught Out

It is not a great idea to be looking at racy photos whilst on your work computer in a busy office. It is a terrible idea to do it whilst in scene of a television interview....

Banker caught out @ Yahoo! Video

Granny Airbag

Much better with the sound on...

"G5" Aiming For Christmas #1 In Charts

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Post script: If you would like to display this on your blog, please email me for the HTML code.

Copenhagen T-Shirts?

This is Maggie Thauersköld, Sweden’s most prominent climate-sceptic blogger

Stolen from Roger Helmer

Fun Stairs

From those crazy Swedes, and Volkswagen.

He's A Medical Marvel!

At an international medical conference, four doctors were discussing the state of medicine in their respective countries.

The Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

The German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

The Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'


The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours!

Plenty more HERE where I found this.
 
Could it be that Gordon Browns only possible legacy now will be to be the most ridiculed PM of all time?

A Couple Of Problem Solvers

I know I have seen this before elsewhere, but I cannot remember where. It arrived on email today, so I thought I would pop it up on the blog.

A Handwritten Photocopied Note..

This was being passed around where my wife was working last week.

Mr Cadbury Met
Miss Rowntree in a
Room on Quality Street.
It was after eight,
He turned out the
Light for a bit of
Black Magic.
Then he slipped his hand
Into her snickers and
Showed her his Curly Wurly
Not keen to have any
Jelly Babies she let
Him have her up the
Chocolate Truffle. She
Screamed with Turkish
Delight as he took
Out his fun sized
Mars Bar. He felt a bit
Crunchie and she wanted
Some Time Out but he
Did a twirl and came
In a very Milky Way!

Picture Of Swine Flu Victim

Doctors are hunting the victims girlfriend who is believed to have transmitted, then passed along the virus to the victim.

Hat Tip: The Vas

Gordons New Message

TV Burp - The Apprentice

... and of course, Mrs Thatchers pants.

How Do You Tell A Friend They Are Drinking Too Much?

Here is one way....

18-Apr-09 Update: Of course, they could always take this test.

A Little Humour

I was sent this video on an email entitled, this is why you should never trust a woman. It is a little juvenile, but I think it is funny.

Hackers Grand Design

TractorStats Montage

Created by Fidothedog, and as seen on Fido's blog, here, for the viewing pleasure of the readers of Daniel1979 blog, here is the TractorStats montage.

It's 3am, The Phone Is Ringing....

Who do you want answering the phone in the White House?



Hat tip: Right-Wing News